It Was Always Him
by xSoul.Crusher
Summary: Ino tried to convince herself - and it worked. Well, it worked until things started to effect six year old Shikadai. One-shot. Mainly InoShika. Side SaiIno and ShikaTema.


_naruto would have ended differently if i owned naruto so_

_sorry for any mistakes. i wrote this out of the blue_

_i would seriously recommend listening to please don't say you love me by gabrielle aplin while reading_

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><p><strong>It Was Always Him<strong>

_unfortunately time changes everything_

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><p>Life wasn't supposed to end up this way and everybody knew it. Even Ino knew it.<p>

Headstrong Ino who had convinced herself that she was in love with Sai. She wanted to love him. She really did, but soon she realized that he had become just a stand-in for the love she had for another boy when she was growing up. She cared deeply for them, but romantically, her feelings were as weightless as they had been with Sasuke. No matter how much she told herself she had loved Sasuke and was currently in love with Sai, she knew neither of these could be true.

The truth hurt too much to deal with and this - this wasn't painful. Being married to Sai took no effort when everyone around her was so convinced that she had always wanted him.

Her grand performance could no longer carry on though one day. Not because somebody saw through her act, but because a child couldn't keep up with theirs.

Little Shikadai had always liked his time alone. He was quite like his father with appearance and all, but there was always a sting in Ino's heart when she saw his green eyes that belonged to someone else.

_Those eyes weren't supposed to be green._

Shikadai was about six years old on that faithful day. And just like his mother, he wasn't very happy a whole lot of the time.

It was no secret to anybody that Temari wasn't as kind as she had been in the past. She had wanted to live in Suna along with her brothers and continue her career there. Unfortunately, marrying into the Nara Clan meant moving in order to honour and continue the tradition of the Nara's and Ino-Shika-Cho. Temari had decided that herself when she had entered a relationship with Shikamaru in the first place. She would respect tradition because she was an honourable woman. That didn't stop her from being bitter at times however.

Unfortunately, it was mostly Shikadai who dealt with the bitterness. On top of a strict upbringing, there was never much love shared in his family. Everyone was very private and as a child growing up, Shikadai always craved for that motherly and fatherly compassion that often lacked.

His father as well always seemed distantly bitter from something from a long time ago. Shikadai had been told once by Uncle Chouji that his father hadn't always been that way. Uncle Chouji's words often rang through his mind.

_Time changes things._

There had been no Uncle Chouji that day though. Shikadai usually ran there when things got a little rough at home because _Uncle Chouji always listened_.

Instead little Shikadai found himself in the Yamanaka flower shop because Aunt Ino could _at least_ yell at dad who could talk to mom.

Upon seeing the distressed Nara, Ino left her post at the cash register and called on the employee at the back to watch over things.

And after brewing some tea, they sat down and Aunt Ino did something she didn't do quite often.

She stayed quiet until Shikadai was ready to talk - except Shikadai never spoke. Tears just streaked down the boy's face because he felt like he could around Aunt Ino.

_Boys don't cry was what he was told._

But Aunt Ino never said that to anyone. Aunt Ino didn't want anyone to hide how they felt - unless you were her.

"Aunt Ino," Shikadai started, wiping away the tears frantically. "Why don't mom and dad love me?"

"Shikadai," she said softly, moving closer to the small child and putting a hand on his head. "They do love you."

"It doesn't feel like it. They never say it. Not even too each other. Uncle Chouji is always telling Chocho how much he loves her. And Inojin always talks about how you and him spend a lot of time together. And I know I'm not the most affectionate kid, Aunt Ino, but it would be nice to know I'm loved."

"Now I've only known your mom for a short time, so I can't give you anything about her. I only know that like you, she isn't very happy a whole lot of the time."

"Why not?"

"She misses her family."

"But I'm her son. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"You're the reason why she's not miserable," Ino said smiling. "She loves you so much, Shikadai. She just has a hard time showing it. I don't know if you know, but she didn't have her mom for most of her life. I don't think she is entirely sure how to show it, let alone tell you."

"Then what excuse does my dad have?"

"Your dad," she started hesitantly. "That's just the person he is. I have known your dad my entire life and do you know how many times he's told me he loves me?"

"Why would he say that to you anyways when he doesn't say it to mom?"

"Well, there are different kinds of love," Ino said, ignoring that stabbing pain in her heart. "Friends can tell them they love each other. Don't let trivial ideas limit you."

"Okay, then how many times?"

"Once, but the amount of times someone says it doesn't matter. It's how they show it. And your dad does show it, just not in the ways you've seen with me and with Uncle Chouji. Uncle Chouji likes to show it by spoiling Chocho. I like to show it through words and hugging. Your dad shows it when he pats you on the head or when he plays Shogi with you and he doesn't let you win. Him wanting you to grow on your own and learn to be your own man without his influence is how he shows his love."

"Aunt Ino," Shikadai whispered. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course you can, Shikadai."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and stared down at his hands because he didn't know if he could look up at Aunt Ino when he said it. It was just the way she spoke about his dad that made something in Shikadai's head click. Shikadai could see something only a child so intelligent and observant would be able to see. Something his dad refused to acknowledge because it was too painful for him as well.

_Time changes things._

"Sometimes," he started cautiously, "I wish you were my mom."

That was the moment when tears slipped from Ino's eyes. That was when she knew she couldn't trick herself into believing everything she tried to tell herself. She cared for Sai, but he was never the love of her life.

It had always been Shikamaru.

Shikamaru - the guy who stared at clouds to pass the time because he wanted life to drift by him without a care. He knew oblivion was the inevitable, but he couldn't careless while she cared too much.

He always swore he would never get married. The only time he ever said anything contrary to that notion was the day he told her he was in love with her.

It was out of the blue and out of character - right at the end of the war of all things - but he had said it nonetheless.

_"I never want to get married," he had said. "Unless it's to you."_

_"What?"_

_"I was in my dream world just now, but there was still something missing. Troublesome woman, I'm only saying this once so you better listen for once, okay? Ino, I'm in love with you."_

Ino was too headstrong at the time. She was too loyal to her clan. Too immersed in the idea that she was not allowed to love the man she had always wanted because they had a tradition to carry on.

She was too stupid at the time to admit it to him because the memory of her dad was too fresh. He had just died and she wanted to give him a grandchild to carry on the Yamanaka tradition.

Temari had given up her career to move to Konoha when Ino had without second thought objected to a life with Shikamaru. Ino didn't believe she deserved him.

Temari deserved him.

"Aunt Ino," Shikadai said carefully, looking at her with sad eyes. He didn't mean to upset her. "It's okay. I already figured it out."

"Sometimes," Ino whispered back after a moment. "I wish I was your mom too."

"Time changes things, doesn't it?"

"Unfortunately, time changes everything."

_Right person, wrong time. Life wasn't supposed to end up this way and everybody knew it._

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><p><em>i hurt myself emotionally writing this tbh<em>

_but i headcanon it for shikaino_


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